Confidence for Your 1-Year-Old

Now Is the Right Time!

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you are essential to your child’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship while growing confidence in your child to work toward their goals and succeed in school and life.

Confidence simply means a belief in self. But where does that confidence come from? It begins with the trusting relationship you work to develop with your child. Your bond with your child forms a solid foundation from which your child can feel safe exploring the world. For your one-year-old to feel a secure attachment, they have to feel comfort, support, and safety from you and that you are responsive to their needs.

One-year-olds grow their social and emotional skills through loving interactions with you and your responses to their needs. As children develop their social and emotional skills, they also grow confidence. As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you can foster confidence through your relationship with your child by focusing on helping your child grow social and emotional skills. Confidence is…

• Self-awareness: your child’s deepening sense of who they are, understanding their identity, strengths, and limitations
• Self-management: your child learning to manage their feelings constructively, such as when you help them calm down when upset
• Social awareness: your child’s ability to see from another’s perspective and to empathize with others
• Relationship skills: your child’s new capacity to initiate, grow, and sustain healthy relationships with others
• Responsible decision making: laying the groundwork for your child’s ability to reflect – before choosing words or actions – on the consequences to not cause harm

Emerging confidence in children begins with confident parents committed to learning from and with their child. Confident parents are not perfect. They simply offer themselves the grace and permission to reflect on and learn from their mistakes. Mistakes do not define who they are.

The key to many parenting challenges, like growing confidence, is finding ways to communicate to meet your and your child’s needs. The steps below include specific, practical strategies and effective conversation starters to prepare you.

Why Confidence?

Whether your one-year-old is crying when you leave their sight, or you feel inadequacy when responding to their frustration, establishing regular ways to grow a trusting connection and teaching your child vital skills will grow confidence.

Today, in the short term, growing confidence can create

• greater opportunities for connection, cooperation, and enjoyment
• trust in each other
• a sense of well-being and motivation to engage

Tomorrow, in the long term, growing confidence in your child

• develops a sense of safety, security, and a belief in self
• grows skills in self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationships, and responsible decision-making
• deepens family trust and intimacy

Five Steps for Growing Confidence

This five-step process helps you and your child grow confidence. It also grows important critical life skills in your child. The same process can be used to address other parenting issues as well (learn more about the process).

One-year-olds are starting to verbalize their needs by babbling, crying, and starting to use single words. Despite your child’s emerging ability to use words, continue to pay close attention to their facial expressions, movements, and sounds to work on understanding what they are trying to communicate. Your efforts to learn from your child grow trust and create empathetic interactions that promote confidence. You’ll also begin to better understand their thoughts and feelings about confronting challenges so that you can address them. In becoming sensitive to the nuances of your child’s verbal and nonverbal expressions, you

• are responding to their needs
• are growing their trust in you, sense of safety, and sense of healthy relationships
• are growing motivation for you and your child to work together
• are improving your ability to communicate with one another
• are growing your own and their self-control (to calm down when upset and focus their attention)
• are modeling empathy and problem-solving skills

Actions

• Remember, a child’s behaviors are often influenced by their feelings. Feelings are spontaneous reactions to people, places, and experiences.^{1  2} Feelings are not right or wrong, but what your child does with their feelings may be appropriate or inappropriate.
• Consider how your child reacts when upset, angry, or frustrated.
  • How do they show you? Children at this age may cry, yell, hit, bite, or throw things. They can still be soothed by cuddling and rocking and are learning to self-soothe when upset.
  • If a child is crying, offer to hold them or provide comfort items like a favorite teddy bear or a blanket. Do not attempt to talk anything through when a child is distraught. Focus on calming down first.
  • If a child hits or bites in anger or frustration, stop and say, “Ouch. That hurts my arm, and it makes me feel sad,” or “I see you are frustrated.”
• Consider how your child reacts when they are happy or excited.
  • How do they show you? Children at this age clap their hands, imitate others, smile, squeal, and laugh when they are happy or excited.
• Consider how your child reacts when they are scared.
  • How do they show you? Children at this age are more aware of their surroundings, which can make them afraid of new things or sounds. They may cry, withdraw, or hide.
• Each time your child expresses any big feeling, be sure to name it: “You seem angry” or “You seem happy.” This will grow their vocabulary, increase their self-awareness, and help them manage their feelings.

As you react to your child in ways that soothe, you will find they will feel a greater sense of your understanding and responsiveness, making your interactions more two-way than one-way.

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, there is much to learn about understanding your child’s rhythms, temperaments, and needs. Because of all of this learning, you will make mistakes and even poor choices. How you handle those moments can determine how you help grow your child’s confidence. Offering yourself the grace and permission to not be perfect can ease your anxiety in responding to your child’s needs. Learning about developmental milestones can help a parent better understand what their child is going through.³ Here are some examples:

• 12-18-month-olds will respond to their name and may use 5 to 10 words. They are starting to combine words with gestures and are starting to follow simple directions and remember recent events and actions. They may feel uneasy when separated from their loved ones.
• 12-18-month-olds are beginning to walk independently, can stack blocks, and point to objects of interest.
• 18-24-month-olds can understand ten times more than they can speak, are starting to respond to questions, can point to familiar objects and people in pictures, and are starting to follow two-step directions. They are also starting to want to try things on their own.
• 18-24-month-olds are becoming able to throw and attempt to catch a ball without losing their balance, enjoy playing with new toys in varying ways, and usually participate in getting dressed without becoming upset.

Teaching is different than just telling. Teaching grows basic skills, grows problem-solving abilities, and sets your child up for success. Teaching also involves modeling and practicing the positive behaviors you want to see, promoting skills, and preventing problems.

Actions

• Read and pretend play together.
  • During reading time, select a book with faces to help your child learn to identify the different feelings. Point out how you can tell what each face is feeling, and practice recreating those cues with your child.
  • After reading a story together, act out the story and use feeling words and expressions to match how the characters are feeling throughout the story. This expands their feelings vocabulary and teaches them how to recognize a wide range of perspectives and feelings they might not encounter in daily interactions with others.
• Narrate your daily routines. As you prepare breakfast at home or go shopping together at the store, talk about what you are doing each step of the way. Involve your child by asking questions. For example, “I am getting out your favorite cereal bowl. I think we’ll have some cereal this morning. Does that sound yummy to you?”
• Narrate your feelings. As you are going through your bedtime routine, talk about what you are doing each step of the way. Involve your child by asking questions. For example, you might say, “I just yawned and am feeling sleepy. Do you think I should take a nap?”

Your daily routines can be opportunities for your child to practice new vital skills if you seize those chances. With practice, your child will improve over time as you give them the chance with support. Practice grows vital new brain connections that strengthen (and eventually form habits) each time your child works hard toward a goal or demonstrates belief in themself.

Practice also provides important opportunities to grow self-efficacy—a child’s sense that they can do a task successfully. This leads to confidence. It will also help them understand that mistakes are part of learning.

Actions

• Allow your child the chance to take steps to meet their big challenges, whether they are working on tasting new foods for the first time, exploring the objects in their environment, or attempting to communicate with new words or phrases.
• Create opportunities for simple ways that your child can help with grown-up tasks to grow their sense of confidence. They may be unable to complete the tasks independently, and sometimes, you will have to go slower to allow them to participate. But, their participation is an important chance for them to practice and grow confidence. Examples include simple things like walking beside you as you carry out the trash, helping to set the table by carrying the napkins or helping to match socks in the laundry.
• Recognize effort by using “I notice…” statements like, “I noticed how you helped get your shirt on by putting your arms up.”
• Consider how you can create the conditions to support their success, such as creating a quiet, organized environment with age-appropriate board books, toys, or creative supplies.
• Initially, practice may require more teaching, but avoid taking over and doing it for your child.

At this point, you are developing your child’s skills and growing their confidence by allowing them to practice so they can learn how to do those new tasks well and independently. You can offer support when needed by reteaching, monitoring, and coaching. Parents and those in a parenting role naturally provide support as they see their child fumble with a situation in which they need help. This is no different.

Actions

• Initially, your child may need active support. Use “Show me…” statements with a positive tone and body language to express excitement and curiosity.  Ask them to demonstrate how they can work hard toward a goal. When a child learns a new skill, they are eager to show it off! “Show me how you can put your blocks into the box. This is part of our clean-up routine.” Offer support so your child can be successful.
• Don’t move on quickly if your child shows interest in trying something new. Children often need more time to stick with a challenge or pursue a goal. Be sure to wait long enough for your child to show you they are competent. Your waiting could make all the difference in whether they can gain skills over time.
• Recognize effort by using “I notice…” statements like: “I noticed how you were able to take your socks off before your bath.”
• On days with extra challenges, when you can see your child is scared of new people or situations, offer confidence in your child’s ability to face the unfamiliar. In a gentle, non-public way, you can whisper in your child’s ear, “This is my friend Anna. Would you like to meet her?”
• Actively reflect on how your child is feeling when approaching challenges. You can offer reflections like:
  • “You seem worried about going into this new store. I’ll hold you so you feel more confident.” Offering comfort when facing new situations can help your child gain a sense of security and face them rather than backing away.
• You can also offer comfort items to help your child face new challenges. “Would your bear help you feel better?” 
• Take steps to support your child if they experience separation anxiety. Be sure you are placing your child in the care of someone you trust so that you feel safe leaving your child in that person’s care. Give your child something of yourd (blanket, scarf) to have while you’re gone. Express your love and explain to them when you’ll return in terms of activities: “You’ll finish lunch, and then I’ll be back!” Leave without lingering, but don’t sneak out.

No matter how old your child is, your positive reinforcement and encouragement have a significant impact.

If your child is working to grow their skills – even in small ways – it will be worthwhile to recognize it. Your recognition can go a long way in promoting positive behaviors and expanding your child’s confidence. Your recognition also promotes safe, secure, and nurturing relationships — a foundation for strong communication and a healthy relationship with you as they grow.

There are many ways to reinforce your child’s efforts. It is essential to distinguish between three types of reinforcement: recognition, rewards, and bribes. These three distinct parenting behaviors have different impacts on your child’s behavior.

Recognition occurs after you observe the desired behavior in your child. Noticing and naming the specific behavior you want to reinforce is key to promoting more of it. For example, “You tried to put your socks on—I love seeing that!”  Recognition can include nonverbal acknowledgment such as a smile, high five, or hug.

Rewards can be helpful in certain situations by providing a concrete, timely, and positive incentive for doing a good job.  A reward is determined beforehand so the child knows what to expect, like “If you behave in the store, you will get a treat on the drive home.” (If you XX, then I’ll XX.) It stops any negotiations in the heat of the moment.  A reward could be used to teach positive behavior or break a bad habit. The goal should be to help your child progress to a time when the reward will no longer be needed. If used too often, rewards can decrease a child’s internal motivation.

Unlike a reward, bribes aren’t planned ahead of time and generally happen when a parent or someone in a parenting role is in the middle of a crisis (like in the grocery store checkout line and a child is having a tantrum. To avoid disaster, a parent offers to buy a sucker if the child will stop the tantrum). While bribes can be helpful in the short term to manage stressful situations, they will not grow lasting motivation or behavior change and should be avoided.

Actions

• Recognize and call out when things are going well. It may seem obvious, but it’s easy not to notice when everything is moving along smoothly. Noticing and naming the behavior provides the necessary reinforcement that you see and value your child’s choice.
• Recognize small steps along the way. Don’t wait for significant accomplishments—like the full bedtime routine going smoothly—to recognize effort. Remember that your recognition can work as a tool to promote more positive behaviors. Find small ways your child is making an effort and let them know you see them.
• Build celebrations into your routine. For example, after getting through your bedtime routine, snuggle and read before bed.

Closing

Engaging in these five steps is an investment that grows your skills as an effective parent, which you can use on many other issues and important skills that will last a lifetime for your child. Throughout this tool, children have opportunities to become more confident while growing their social and emotional skills.