Discipline for Your 1-Year-Old

Guidance and discipline for skill building is not appropriate for one-year-olds. They cannot understand cause and effect. Any form of punishment will damage their relationship with you. If they engage in potentially unsafe, damaging, or harmful behavior to you or someone else, your goal is to redirect their attention to something else.

You might be seeking this tool because

• Your one-year-old just keeps crying.
• You are struggling with their sleep routine.
• Important people in your life have different ideas about parenting.
• You feel overwhelmed with the new roles and responsibilities of parenting.
• You are feeling frustrated or angry at times.
• You are starting to think about your guidance and discipline for skill building approach for the future.

Your primary focus should be growing a secure and loving relationship with your child and encouraging this with other caring adults. The focus should be on building safe, stable, nurturing relationships, which are the foundation of your child’s healthy development.

One-year-olds undergo rapid development in their second year of life. They are constantly learning, just like new parents are. As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your child’s healthy development. You guide the development of their social and emotional skills that they will use for the rest of their life. These skills are established through their interactions with you.

One-year-olds constantly learn about the world and how to interact with others. Even the basics, like how to eat, sleep, and how other people react to them, are all brand new. So when a one-year-old plays with something as if it is a toy, they are engaging in meaningful learning by observing and exploring their world. They are not misbehaving or “acting up”; they are exploring and learning.

To support their healthy development, you want to keep them safe and encourage this exploring and learning. For example, when a one-year-old picks up your cell phone or turns over a cup, you can redirect their attention to something else, like their toy.

There will be lots of redirecting and encouraging. At times, this will be challenging and tiring for you. But remember, not only are they exploring objects, but they are also learning about how you react. Your reactions will form the basis of your relationship. A healthy relationship comes from repeated caring and loving interactions with you.

These interactions will impact their ability to listen, communicate effectively, learn about and manage their feelings, and trust in you as a caregiver. These interactions form the basis of your parenting relationship and intentional communication — two critical components for their healthy development.

Expect your one-year-old to cry to communicate. Even when you have fed them, changed their diaper, ensured rest, and offered activity, one-year-olds may cry. Remember, children don’t cry to upset you, nor are you failing as a parent when your child cries. Crying is their primary way of communicating with you to meet their needs. Being responsive to their cries does not spoil your child. Being responsive develops a healthy relationship, helps them feel a greater sense of safety and trust, advances their self-control to help them calm down when upset, and focuses their attention.

If you are concerned about your infant’s crying or feeling overwhelmed as a parent, reach out to your pediatrician, a trusted friend or family member, or other source of support.  Parenting an infant can be exhausting and isolating.  Seek support when you need it.