Routines for Your 2-Year-Old

Now Is the Right Time!

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your child’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship, and daily routines provide a perfect opportunity.  

Routines help your family move through the day smoothly and on time and can significantly impact your child’s success. One-year-olds rely heavily on your guidance and reassurance as they explore their world. Routines can provide structure and repetition that makes their world easier to understand. Routines can be beneficial to support transitions from one activity or place to another. Transitions can be some of the most difficult times for one-year-olds to manage their behavior, and routines can make these times less challenging. ¹ 

The steps below include specific and practical strategies to help you develop routines and use them to build a relationship with your child that includes reliable and unconditional support and love, especially when they need you the most.

Why Routines?

Regular routines can help your family get through the day cooperatively while building vital skills in your child. Routines can help to develop your child’s sense of security and confidence.² Routines can help them feel safe because they know what to expect and are more able to learn from the rich experiences you have together every day. When there are changes to the routine – expected and unexpected – this will also help your child learn to be flexible and practice adjusting to new situations. 

Today, in the short term, routines can create structure to ease stress and increase cooperation and motivation as you go about your 

daily tasks;

• feelings that your child can make sense of their world
• a sense of mastery when your child repeats routines and knows what to expect
• added daily peace of mind

Tomorrow, in the long term, your child

• develops a sense of safety, security, and confidence
• builds skills to handle unexpected challenges in life
• builds skills in self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, responsible decision-making
• deepens family trust and intimacy

Five Steps for Establishing Routines

This five-step process helps you and your child develop routines together. It also builds important, critical life skills in your child. The same process can also be used to address other parenting issues (learn more about the process)
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One-year-olds are starting to verbalize their needs by babbling, crying, and using single words. Despite your child’s emerging ability to use words, continue to pay close attention to their facial expressions, movements, and sounds to work on understanding what they are trying to communicate. Your efforts to learn from your child build trust and create empathetic interactions that let them know you are interested in their thoughts. This will make a big difference as you develop routines together. In becoming sensitive to the nuances of your child’s verbal and nonverbal expressions, you

• are responding to their needs
• are growing their trust in you, sense of safety, and sense of healthy relationships
• are growing motivation for you and your child to work together
• are deepening your ability to communicate with one another
• are growing their ability to advocate for themselves if they need to return to a routine or get more support to manage changes throughout the day
• are modeling empathy and problem-solving skills

Actions

• Consider your routines throughout the day—morning, midday, and bedtime. Creating routines around wake-up time, mealtime, naptime, and bedtime can make these times predictable, comforting, and fun for your child. 
• When you greet your child first thing in the morning, you could use a smile or phrase like “Good Morning, my little sunshine.” 
• You could incorporate singing songs when changing their diapers or putting them in the crib for an afternoon nap.
• Consider how your child reacts when they engage in routines and when their routines change.
• Do they get upset, angry, or frustrated? How do they show you? Children this age may cry, yell, hit, bite, or throw things. They can still be soothed by cuddling and rocking and learn to self-soothe when upset. 
• Consider how your child reacts when they are happy or excited. How do they show you? Children at this age clap their hands, imitate others, smile, squeal, and laugh when they are happy or excited.
• Consider how your child reacts when they are scared. How do they show you? Children at this age are more aware of their surroundings, which can make them afraid of new things or sounds. They may cry, withdraw, or hide.
• Each time your child expresses any big feeling, be sure to name the feeling: “You seem angry” or “You seem happy.” This builds their feelings vocabulary, increasing their self-awareness and ability to manage them. As you react to your child in ways that soothe, you will find they feel a greater sense of your understanding and responsiveness, so your interactions become more two-way instead of one-way.
• When reading books, point out routines that seem comforting and moments when those routines changed. Talk about what you notice. “The bear in this story usually eats bananas for breakfast, but this morning, he had an apple instead. I noticed the bear was a little afraid of trying something different for breakfast, but he seemed to like the apple once he tried it.” 

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, there is much to learn about understanding your child’s rhythms, temperaments, and needs. Because of all this learning, you will make mistakes and even poor choices. How you handle those moments can determine how you help build your child’s ability to stick with routines and handle change. Offering yourself the grace and permission not to be perfect can ease your anxiety in responding to your child’s needs. Learning about developmental milestones can help you better understand what your child is going through.³

• 12-18-month-olds will respond to their name and may use 5 to 10 words. They are starting to combine words with gestures, follow simple directions, and remember recent events and actions. They may feel uneasy when separated from their loved ones.
• 18-24-month-olds can understand ten times more than they can speak, are starting to respond to questions, point to familiar objects and people in pictures, and follow two-step directions. They are also beginning to want to try things on their own.

Teaching is different than just telling. Teaching builds basic skills, grows problem-solving abilities, and prepares your child for success. Teaching also involves modeling and practicing the positive behaviors you want to see, promoting skills, and preventing problems.

Actions

• Narrate your daily routines. As you prepare breakfast at home or go shopping together at the store, talk about what you are doing each step of the way. Involve your child by asking questions. For example, “I am getting out your favorite cereal bowl. I think we’ll have some cereal this morning. Does that sound yummy to you?”
• Narrate your feelings. As you are going through your bedtime routine, talk about what you are doing each step of the way. Involve your child by asking questions. For example, you might say, “I just yawned and am feeling sleepy. Do you think I should take a nap?”
• Read and pretend play together. Use reading time and select a book of faces to help your child learn to identify the different feelings of other children. Point out what you notice and how you can tell each child is feeling each feeling. Do the children’s feelings change based on their experiences in the book? 
• Grow confidence. In addition to having consistent daily routines with your child, point out when they are following the routine. “I noticed that you helped me to pick up the toys before dinner. That is what we always do before dinnertime.”  
• If your child seems worried about a change and is using verbal or non-verbal language,  you may respond with:
• “This is something different, but I know we can do it. I will be right beside you.”
• “I would love to hold your hand when we try this new activity.”

Your daily routines allow your child to practice new vital skills if you seize those chances. With practice, your child will improve over time as you give them the opportunity with support. Practice grows vital new brain connections that strengthen (and eventually form habits) each time your child works hard toward a goal or demonstrates belief in themselves.

Practice also provides essential opportunities to grow self-efficacy – a child’s sense that they can do a task successfully. This leads to confidence. It helps them understand that mistakes and failures are part of learning.

When experiencing daily routines, it is essential to practice noticing how comfortable it feels to know what to expect and follow the routine. It is also necessary to plan for expected routine changes and discuss how hard it can be when unexpected changes occur. Help your child develop strategies for handling change and remind them that their trusted adults are always there to help. 

Actions

• Learn about your child’s development. Each new age presents challenges, and being informed about your child’s developmental milestones promotes empathy and patience. 
• Engage in routines together, like picking up toys before snacktime or hanging up your coats when you come inside. Allow your child to engage with you in routines.
• Consider how you can model examples of routines so they can learn what they are. “I like to put my coat on a hanger in the closet. Let’s put your coat right beside mine?” 

Now, you are developing routines and discussing them with your child. Both you and your child are practicing so they can learn how to stick to the plan of their usual routine and be flexible enough to manage changes. Parents and those in a parenting role naturally offer support as they see their child fumble with a situation in which they need help. This is no different.

Actions

• Label your work with statements like, “We are putting the block into the box. This is part of our clean-up routine.” 
• Don’t move on quickly if your child shows interest in trying something new. Children often need more time to stick with a challenge or pursue a goal. Be sure to wait long enough for your child to show you they are competent. Your waiting could make all the difference in whether they can gain skills over time.
• Recognize effort using “I notice…” statements like: “I noticed how you were able to take your socks off before your bath.” 
• Actively reflect on how your child feels when they have completed a step in your routine or are facing a change. You can offer reflections like, “I see you are helping me to pick up our toys as part of our clean-up routine.” Naming their success will help them grow in confidence. 

No matter how old your child is, your positive reinforcement and encouragement have a significant impact.

If your child is working to grow their skills – even in small ways – it will be worthwhile to recognize it. Your recognition can go a long way in promoting positive behaviors and expanding your child’s confidence. Your recognition also promotes safe, secure, and nurturing relationships — a foundation for strong communication and a healthy relationship with you as they grow. 

There are many ways to reinforce your child’s efforts. It is essential to distinguish between three types of reinforcement: recognition, rewards, and bribes. These three distinct parenting behaviors have different impacts on your child’s behavior.   

Recognition occurs after you observe the desired behavior in your child. Noticing and naming the specific behavior you want to reinforce is key to promoting more of it. For example, “You helped pick up toys—I love seeing that!”  Recognition can include nonverbal acknowledgment such as a smile, high five, or hug.

Rewards can be helpful in certain situations by providing a concrete, timely, and positive incentive for doing a good job.  A reward is determined beforehand so the child knows what to expect, like “If you behave in the store, you will get a treat on the drive home.” (If you XX, then I’ll XX.) It stops any negotiations in the heat of the moment.  A reward could be used to teach positive behavior or break a bad habit. The goal should be to help your child progress to a time when the reward will no longer be needed. If used too often, rewards can decrease a child’s internal motivation.     

Unlike a reward, bribes aren’t planned ahead of time and generally happen when a parent or someone in a parenting role is in the middle of a crisis (like in the grocery store checkout line and a child is having a tantrum. To avoid disaster, a parent offers to buy a sucker if the child will stop the tantrum). While bribes can be helpful in the short term to manage stressful situations, they will not grow lasting motivation or behavior change and should be avoided.

Actions

• Recognize and call out when things are going well. It may seem obvious, but it’s easy not to notice when everything moves smoothly. Noticing and naming the behavior provides the necessary reinforcement that you see and value your child’s choice.
• Recognize small steps along the way. Don’t wait for significant accomplishments—like the full bedtime routine going smoothly—to recognize effort. Remember that your recognition can work as a tool to promote more positive behaviors. Find small ways your child is making an effort and let them know you see them.
• Build celebrations into your routine. For example, snuggle and read before bed after getting through your bedtime routine. 

Closing

Engaging in these five steps is an investment that will strengthen your skills as an effective parent or someone in a parenting role on many other issues and develop essential skills that will last a lifetime for your child. Through this tool, children can become more self-aware, deepen their social awareness, exercise their self-management skills, work on their relationship skills, and demonstrate and practice responsible decision-making.