Mixed Messages About Cannabis for Your 5-Year-Old

Now Is the Right Time!

Now is the right time to become more aware of the messages your child is receiving about cannabis, the impacts on your child, and how you can shape the messages you send going forward to promote healthy choices. Though children are typically not tempted by peer pressure to try cannabis until ages 15-19, they still receive messages and view modeling throughout their childhood that will have a direct impact on whether or not they’ll be able to make responsible decisions about cannabis. As a parent or those in a parenting role, what you model and the messages you send in your child’s early years related to cannabis can set them up for success.

Cannabis* use among teens nationally has not changed in recent years. In 2019, about one in five high school students in the United States reported that they consumed cannabis in the past month.¹ Marijuana is second to alcohol as the most widely used substance among children and has been linked to adverse mental health effects, including depression.² The teen years are when your children will be introduced to greater risk-taking situations that may involve alcohol, cannabis, or risky sexual behaviors. As a parent or those in a parenting role, you can prepare your child with information, coping strategies, and responsible decision-making skills to prepare them for when they are faced with these risk-taking situations. The steps below will help your child learn more about your family values and how they relate to cannabis and will grow your child’s skills to make healthy choices about cannabis use.

*Cannabis is also called pot, weed, or marijuana

Why Mixed Messages About Cannabis?

Children receive mixed messages about cannabis consumption and its role in their lives and communities. They may see cannabis used in movies, referenced in songs, and normalized on YouTube. They may encounter adults using cannabis at events or concerts. These messages, though they have an impact, are not as critical as the messages that you and your immediate family and friends send to your children through your actions about cannabis. It’s never too late to become more aware of the messages your child is receiving, their impacts, and how you can shape the messages you send going forward to promote healthy choices.

Today, in the short term, promoting healthy choices about cannabis can

• help you better understand what your child is learning about cannabis and whether the messages they are receiving are desirable or need to change;
• strengthen communications between family members about the role of cannabis;
• help your child make healthy choices and responsible decisions, and
• help you feel confident that you’ve prepared your child to make healthy choices.

Tomorrow, in the long term, your child

• grows capacity to assert boundaries and establish healthy relationships;
• grows skills in self-control;
• cultivates healthy habits that will contribute to their ongoing emotional and mental well-being;
• makes more conscious choices about their behaviors and
• feels a greater sense of trust and support from you.

Five Steps for Promoting Healthy Choices

This five-step process helps you and your child learn more about cannabis use and how you can promote healthy choices while preventing peer pressure that leads to cannabis use. It also grows essential skills in your child. The same process can address other parenting issues (learn more about the process).

You can get your child thinking about healthy choices about cannabis by asking them open-ended questions. You’ll help prompt your child’s thinking. You’ll also begin to better understand their thoughts, feelings, and challenges so that you can address them. In gaining input, your child

• can think through and problem solve any peer pressure they might experience related to cannabis use;
• has a more significant stake in anything they’ve designed themself (and with that sense of ownership comes greater responsibility for implementing new strategies and taking responsibility for their relationships);
• will have more motivation and courage to take responsibility for their actions and
• will be working with you on making informed decisions (understanding the reasons behind those decisions) about critical aspects of their life.

Actions

• Ask questions and listen carefully to your child’s responses since they will shape how you will talk about cannabis use. Questions you could ask include “What have you noticed about how foods and drinks affect your body? How do various foods and drinks make you feel?”
• Children do not automatically make the connection between what they eat and drink and how it makes their bodies feel. For example, you may want to highlight sugar in sodas or candy and how it gives you a lot of energy fast but then depletes your energy just as quickly. You could highlight protein and vegetables and how they can build muscle and offer energy that stays with you. You may want to highlight caffeinated drinks like coffee, tea, or energy drinks that give you a jolt of energy. These examples help children make the relationship between what they put into their bodies and how it makes them feel. These reflections will lay the groundwork for future healthy choices and may be the first time your child has considered substances in this way.
  • “How do we make healthy choices with foods and drinks in our family?” Be sure to think of examples of ways that you make healthy choices, like saving dessert for after dinner, eating candy in moderation, or eating a fruit or vegetable with each meal.
• Ask your child about cannabis. Listen carefully to what your child understands and the gaps in understanding. It will help you formulate future teaching and practice opportunities.
  • “What do you know about cannabis?”
  • “When do you see it, and how is it used?”
  • “Do you have any ideas on why cannabis is not appropriate for children?”

Though your child has likely heard of cannabis, you may not have had a specific conversation about the role of cannabis. The first impressions about cannabis your child may have formed could have come from some experiences with adults. Because the adult use of cannabis has been legalized in several states, it can be challenging to figure out what lessons your child has learned. Modeling (your actions) and conversations are the greatest teachers.

Actions

• Examine family messages around the role of cannabis and think about what they’re teaching your child. Some questions you can ask yourself include:
  • Where do you take your child where cannabis is present?
  • How are these places shaping your child’s perceptions about cannabis?
  • Is using cannabis a part of your daily life? Weekly lives?
  • When is cannabis present when your child is around?
  • When someone becomes intoxicated (or high), how do other adults react to that person?
    • How is that person treated?
    • Are they laughed at?
    • Are they the source of ridicule?
    • Are they a source of shame?
    • Do people reject them?
    • Do they become more popular?
    • If there are relatives who are dealing with substance use disorders like alcohol or cannabis addiction, how does the family treat them? How are they spoken about when they are not around?
    • The answers to these questions formulate the experiences your child witnesses and what they are currently being taught about cannabis. Though you may want to have the family value of kindness and loving support, substance use disorders can be a source of shame in many families. Understanding what challenges you face can better position you to teach your child about cannabis in healthy, constructive ways.
• Talk about your family history with alcohol, cannabis, and other drugs. Research shows that children of adults with substance use disorders are between four and ten times more likely to become dependent themselves.³ These children are more likely to begin using substances (alcohol and drugs) at a younger age and progressively have challenges as they grow.⁴ If this is true for your family, talking about family history can break that family cycle and teach your child how to make healthy choices.
• Create empathy and compassion through understanding. Promote empathy and understanding as family members deal with challenges in life. This is the ideal time to teach your child about the reasons behind cannabis use and misuse. This does not mean supporting the unhealthy behaviors of a family member who has a substance use disorder but communicating to your child that the family member has an illness they must treat, just as you might view a family member dealing with diabetes, asthma, or other chronic diseases. This is a family value worth communicating.
• Talk about why people may resort to unhealthy means of coping with stress or problems. Digging a bit into the reasons behind cannabis use and misuse can begin to stir empathy for yourself and your child. Reassure your child that it’s typical to feel overwhelmed by your problems at times, and yet using alcohol, cannabis, and other substances does not solve the issue and can instead lead to medical problems. Offer your thoughts on ways you gain a bigger perspective on the world and the possibilities.
• Become a strong parent advocate. If you are in a circumstance in which relatives become intoxicated (from alcohol or cannabis), trust your gut. Your family is likely no longer safe since there are individuals present who have lost control. When people become unsafe, it’s your responsibility as a parent or those in a parenting role to get you and your child to safety. Leave the situation. Let your child know that the reason you are leaving is because there are adults who have made unhealthy choices and have lost their sense of control.
• Take the learning further because your child will increasingly need to find ways to deal with stress and social pressures. Expectations of who they are and what they “should” do increase with age and a child’s social awareness. This is the perfect time to discuss and brainstorm options for coping strategies. You could ask, “When you are upset, what makes you feel better?” Brainstorm a list together. Write it down.
• Discuss values. Instead of starting a discussion about cannabis, first, you may want to consider questions about health and healthy development.
  • How do you keep healthy (diet, exercise, preventative doctor visits)?
  • How do food and drinks fit into keeping your body healthy?
  • What substances alter your body and brain (like coffee, tea, over-the-counter medicine, prescription medicine, alcohol, energy drinks, others)?
  • How do those altering substances fit into a healthy lifestyle?
  • What do you and/or your partner or other family members believe should be the role of cannabis in family life and with children?
  • What do you want your child to learn?
  • How can you align your actions with those values?
• Set goals that demonstrate your values. Now that you have articulated your family’s hopes and values, consider what goals you can set for yourself and what goals you can encourage your child to set to align actions with values.
• Create a family ritual of expressing gratitude in your lives. Children are often corrected and told what they are not doing right. You can create a balancing force in your child’s life by focusing on what is good, strong, and healthy in your life. Whether you make a habit of sharing grateful thoughts, sitting down to a family meal, or keeping a running list on your family’s refrigerator, find a way to share specifics of what is positive in your lives. Your child will start to think in those terms as well. Children who are more aware of how they belong and are loved are more likely to respect rules and boundaries and make healthy choices.

Practice can be pretend play, cooperatively working together, or trying out a new skill with you as a coach and ready support. Practice is necessary for children to internalize new skills. Practice makes vital new brain connections that strengthen each time your child performs a new action. At this age, you can support your child’s skills of healthy boundary setting, healthy goal setting, empathy, and leadership to set them up for healthy decision-making regarding cannabis.

Actions

• Take the first small step. If you’ve set a goal to leave unsafe situations, for example, set your family’s expectations ahead of time. If a wedding or party is coming up that you know could pose a challenge with alcohol or cannabis use by guests, decide ahead of time on a reasonable time to leave together before trouble begins.
• Perhaps your child has set a goal to resist daily candy temptations and only eat it on the weekends. Find specific ways you and your child can take small steps to work on the healthy choice goals you’ve set.
• Show feelings when your child comes to you with an interpersonal problem, whether with a friend or a teacher. Ask what choices your child might have in communicating with this other person. Offer supportive language that will help your child broach the topic. Show your confidence that they can manage their communications and work through their problems.
• Practice empathy. When your child comes home with reports of a conflict between friends or a mistake a friend made, talk about that friend’s perspective. You could ask questions like, “Why would she have chosen to be mean to her friend when they’ve been friends since kindergarten?” Usually, misguided behavior is evidence of hurt surfacing or unmet emotional needs. Practice digging for reasons with your child and showing empathy for their friend. Instead of judging, your child will practice understanding others’ feelings and thoughts better. This can be a significant asset as they navigate challenging social situations.
• Tell stories of your own or your child’s ability to empathize and be kind to others. These stories will begin to shape your child’s identity as one who can empathize and act compassionately no matter the social pressures.
• Encourage leadership. In every group, a leader emerges. And they are typically the individuals who pressure others to do what they want. As you grow your child’s social and emotional skills, they will have an opportunity to influence the decision-making of their friendship group.
  • Your young leader must regularly reflect on their choices since they influence a group. Talk about social situations and opportunities for decisions. Give your child plenty of chances to decide what they think about various social issues (thus exercising their sense of responsibility and right and wrong).

At this point, you’ve learned together the mixed messages and modeling your child encounters related to cannabis. You’ve practiced by setting goals and working toward them together while sharing success stories. Now, you can offer support when it’s needed. Parents or those in a parenting role naturally provide support when they see their child fumble with a situation in which they need help. This is no different.

Actions

• Ask key questions.
  • “How are you feeling about your friends? Do they treat you well? Do they pressure you?”
  • “Are there times when your friends or other classmates want you to do something you don’t want to do?”
• Reflect on outcomes. “It seems you are worrying about your friends and their impressions of you today. Often, it helps if you talk about it. What’s going on?”
• Stay engaged. Be ready to talk when your child is eager. Their willingness to talk comes at the most inopportune moments. Remember that these are precious windows of opportunity for you to learn about what’s going on in their lives and to offer support.
• Engage in further practice. Talk about times when you don’t want to go with the crowd. Perhaps the school PTA made a decision, and you weren’t supportive. How will you keep your relationships and make responsible decisions for yourself and your family that may not go along with the crowd? Help grow your child’s leadership and assertive communication skills by discussing when you set healthy boundaries and maintained relationships.

No matter how old your child is, your positive reinforcement and encouragement have a significant impact.

If your child is working to grow their skills – even in small ways – it will be worthwhile to recognize it. Your recognition can go a long way in promoting positive behaviors and expanding your child’s confidence. Your recognition also encourages safe, secure, and nurturing relationships — a foundation for strong communication and a healthy relationship with you as they grow.

There are many ways you can reinforce your child’s efforts. It is essential to distinguish between three types of reinforcement – recognition, rewards, and bribes. These three distinct parenting behaviors have different impacts on your child’s behavior.

Recognition occurs after you observe the desired behavior in your child. Noticing and naming the specific behavior you want to reinforce is key to promoting more of it. For example, “You were able to set a healthy boundary with a friend- I love seeing that!” Recognition can include nonverbal recognition such as a smile, high five, or hug.

Rewards can be helpful in certain situations by providing a concrete, timely, and positive incentive for doing a good job. A reward is determined ahead of time so that the child knows what to expect, like “If you make a healthy choice for your after-school snack, we will go for a bike ride together.” (if you XX, then I’ll XX) It stops any negotiations in the heat of the moment. A reward could be used to teach positive behavior or break a bad habit. The goal should be to help your child progress to a time when the reward will no longer be needed. If used too often, rewards can decrease a child’s internal motivation.

Unlike a reward, bribes aren’t planned ahead of time and generally happen when a parent or those in a parenting role is in the middle of a crisis (like in the grocery store checkout line and a child is having a tantrum. To avoid disaster, a parent or those in a parenting role offers to buy a sucker if the child stops the tantrum). While bribes can be helpful in the short term to manage stressful situations, they will not grow lasting motivation or behavior change and should be avoided.

Actions

• Recognize and call out when it is going well. It may seem obvious, but it’s easy not to notice when everything moves smoothly. Noticing and naming the behavior provides the necessary reinforcement that you see and value your child’s choice. For example, when your child is practicing making healthy choices for their body, a short, specific call-out is needed: “I noticed you drank your whole water bottle to stay hydrated. Excellent.”
• Recognize small steps along the way. Don’t wait for the significant accomplishments. Remember that your recognition can work as a tool to promote more positive behaviors. Find small ways your child is making an effort – like using self-control- and let them know you see them.
• Build celebrations into your routine. For example, if your child works hard at a physical activity, make a healthy smoothie to enjoy together. Or, after your child shares a story about being a leader at school, give a high five and invite them to share their success story with a close relative.

Closing

Engaging in these five steps is an investment that grows your skills as an effective parent or those in a parenting role on many other issues and grows essential skills that will last a lifetime for your child. This tool allows children to become more self-aware, deepen their social awareness, exercise their self-management skills, work on their relationship skills, and demonstrate and practice responsible decision-making.